I have always had the tendency to be a people-pleaser. I learned a long time ago the way to make people happy is to do what they want you to do. Obey the rules and your mom and dad are happy. Follow the directions on school work and your teacher is happy. Follow the guidelines at work and your boss is happy. I usually had success in all these areas because I was able to take rules, directions, and guidelines and carry them out. Give me a list of things to do and I could do it. Tell me what not to do and I'd try not to do it. I have always had a good amount of willpower and am a pretty disciplined person. In fact, I tend to thrive on little disciplines. I love the fact that if you do something small over and over it amounts to a huge payoff after a while. The point is I'm really good at DOING. In my life I have been successful at being (or at least appearing) "good" and it has paid off. The problem is that I had carried that over to my relationship to God, and it doesn't work that way with Him.
About six months ago it all fell apart. While I have always been successful at controlling myself and being good (or so I thought) all of a sudden (for a period of about a year) it was as if I could not control myself! I was compelled to sin! All I could think about was the sin that I wanted so badly to do, then would become overwhelmed with guilt that I wanted to do it. It was a horrible cycle. I think that God in His love for me let me fail on every front. The illusion that I had it all together and was such a "good" Christian was shattered and I was crushed! Where I had pride in my heart, it was now gone. I saw myself for what I was....a failure. Now, no one would have known all this was going on because it was mostly a struggle in my heart and mind, but had God not rescued me from what I was doing, I know it would have "surely led to death."
Let me explain. After hitting the bottom and my knees in desperation and crying out God to save me, He led me to a wonderful Bible study called, "The Gracewalk Experience" by Steve McVey. In it I learned a critical lesson. It's based back in Genesis.
In Genesis chapter 2 verse 9 the Bible says that God placed two trees in the Garden of Eden - the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. There is a lot of truth wrapped up in those two trees. The tree of life represents Jesus. Jesus is the way, the LIFE, and the truth. He is the LIVING water. He is the Word and it was the Word that breathed LIFE into all of creation. The tree of the knowledge of good and evil represents the law, our knowledge of right and wrong, rules and our efforts to follow the rules, basically our fleshly attempt to achieve righteousness in our own strength independent of God. Adam and Eve had a choice. They could eat freely from any tree in the garden as well as from the tree of life. However, if they ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil God said they would surely die.
We all know the choice they made. They ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and they did die. And mankind has been dying ever since. Romans 5:12 says that sin entered the world through Adam and death through sin. There is physical death, which none of us can escape since sin entered the world and death through it. Then there is spiritual death, which is even worse. The good news is that while we can't escape physical death, we can be saved from spiritual death through believing in Jesus - or eating of the tree of life! We still have a choice of which tree to eat from in our lives today. Eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (or the law) still leads to spiritual death. And eating of the tree of life (trusting in Jesus) will give us life.
We are all tempted to sin. The reason we know what sin is is because we have the law. So, the law in itself is not a bad thing. The problem is when we try in our own strength to keep the law. Even though it is impossible to keep from sinning, and the Bible says that ALL have sinned and that there is not one that is good, we become proud of our perceived "goodness" when we are able to act right. It is much easier to have a set of things to DO to be right with God then to just trust in Jesus to make you right before Him. Because of our pride, we like to do to earn. We don't like to admit that we are helpless and hopeless on our own. Before we can trust in Jesus' power to free us from sin and help us not to fall to temptation, our pride has to die. We have to admit that we can't keep from sinning in our own strength and we need Jesus to help us!
We are so focused on the rules! It's all about what we do and don't do as Christians. We have formulas to stay on track with God. Read your Bible for 15 minutes every day. Pray. Spend quiet time with the Lord. Go to church. Tithe your income. All of these are good things to do, don't get me wrong! But do they make you right with God? No! The Bible says that if you believe in Jesus as your Lord and Savior you are right with God!! He even says you are righteous and holy! It's a done deal! The old is gone, the new has come! You can stop striving. God knew every sin you'd ever commit from the time you were born until you die. He knew what you did before you were saved and He knew everything you would do after being saved. And He still saved you. Why is it that we realize that there was nothing we did to get saved. It was a work of the Holy Spirit. Yet we think that living in a way that is glorifying to God is all up to us? We focus on keeping the rules. We're proud of ourselves and feel right with God when we succeed and beat ourselves up and despair when we fail. It is a needless struggle. It does not lead to life and freedom. It will "surely lead to death." Maybe that's why people walk away from the Lord, churches fizzle out, ministries cease. There are different type of death.
As Christians, we have to let go of the rules and trust the Holy Spirit living within us to guide us. That is eating from the tree of life. Turning away from the rules tree and turning fully to the grace of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! It's scary to let go of the rules. I felt like if I let myself be free in Christ and stopped trying to follow the rules, I would do something horrible or lose my salvation. The truth is that the Holy Spirit will show us how to live. He will guide and direct our actions. We can trust Him to keep us from evil. If we are truly surrendered to Him we will do good works. Our lives will make a difference in the world. God will finally be able to use us for His plan, His purpose, and His glory! We will stop getting in His way!
For so long I was not even aware that I was trying to DO and EARN God's favor by following the rules. They were His rules after all. I was trying so hard to obey. I was striving to be "good" and not sin. I was so focused on His law that I was no longer focused on Him at all and it was leading to death. I had lost the joy of my salvation. I had burdened myself with that which Christ died to relieve me of. I thank God for opening my eyes again. I thank Him for the joy and freedom found only in Him! I pray that today you would stop striving and just be in His presence. I pray that you would eat of His fruit and enjoy the freedom of being His child. Taste and see that the Lord is good! Eat freely from the tree of life and LIVE!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Forgiveness is Freedom
The best definition of forgiveness I have found is "to cancel a debt." That's what Jesus' sacrifice for us on the cross did. It cancelled the debt we all owe but can't pay. Because we have all fallen short of God's perfect standard, therefore sinning against Him, we incurred a debt. That debt caused a chasm that separates us from God. What Jesus did was (to a much lesser extent) like someone coming along and writing a check to pay off your mortgage. You didn't have to work to earn money to pay it off and you didn't do anything to deserve or earn His favor of paying it off. Yet paid off it is! In the same way, it is by His grace we are saved. You didn't ask Him to do it. You could never have earned it. The Bible says that "while we were still sinners Christ died for us." The debt is paid. It is finished. All we have to do is believe that it really was and accept the gift of being made right with God through Jesus' sacrifice of His life. Jesus is the only way back to God because His sacrifice is the only way that chasm could be closed. Jesus is the bridge that gives us access to God through the forgiveness (the canceling) of our sin (our debt).
In the same way, it is only through Jesus's power inside of us that we will ever be able to forgive others for things they have done to hurt us (debts they owe). Ephesians 4:32 says, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Jesus Himself says it like this in Matthew 6:14-15, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Yikes! I know, sounds harsh, huh? I really struggled with what Jesus said until He began to show me what unforgiveness does to the one who won't forgive. It puts them in bondage. They can't escape the pain and hurt that the debt caused. They will forever be crippled by what happened to them. Crippled by anger, mistrust, bitterness, and fear. They will not be able to fully love or accept love as long as they are holding on to that debt insisting it be paid. And the thing is that it can never be fully paid off by the offender. Whatever they do to make up for what they did will never be enough. Think back over a wrong someone did to you and then apologized for. Was it enough? Did sorry fix it? Or did you still have to make the decision to release that person from having to pay for what they did? I am willing to bet that sorry wasn't enough and that if it was truly dealt with you had to decide to forgive. Forgiveness isn't for the other person, it's for you! I'm convinced that is why Jesus is so stern in His words about forgiveness. He came to set us free, and unforgiveness will only put us back in bondage.
The thing about truly forgiving though, is that the only part we can do is make the decision to do it. The work of forgiveness is the Lord's. It is His grace and power that truly cancel the debt. What I mean is this: you won't ever be able to forgive and forget just like that. Forgiveness is a process. I believe it is one that is impossible in our humanness apart from Christ. It is a work of the Holy Spirit. It's a decision we may have to make over and over while He working it out in our heart.
This is true in big and little offenses in our every day lives. For big things it may take longer and like I said you may have to pray something like this every day until the sting of the offense is gone. That's how you know, by the way, that forgiveness has taken place in your heart. You won't actually forget, but It doesn't hurt anymore. The edge is gone. Pray, "Lord, I choose to forgive them, now please come and do the work and heal my heart." I have had situations where I had to pray a prayer like this THOUSANDS of times before I was totally healed of the hurt, pain, anger, and mistrust the offense had caused. But healed I was! I have heard people say so many times of a woman hurt by an unfaithful husband that she will never be the same. In God's hands that may be true, but not in the way they mean it. When you give it over to God through letting go of it yourself (the process of forgiving) God will use it FOR YOUR GOOD like He promises in Romans 8:28. He does miracles in horrible situations. A woman hurt by adultery can absolutely be free from all pain and hurt. She can love and trust again! Nothing is impossible for God to use and change and make new. We serve an awesome, powerful, loving God! Trust Him with all your hurts! Nothing is too big for Him! And be aware that nothing is too little to cause bitterness over time. Be quick to forgive little offenses. Don't hold on to anything but God!
In the same way, it is only through Jesus's power inside of us that we will ever be able to forgive others for things they have done to hurt us (debts they owe). Ephesians 4:32 says, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Jesus Himself says it like this in Matthew 6:14-15, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Yikes! I know, sounds harsh, huh? I really struggled with what Jesus said until He began to show me what unforgiveness does to the one who won't forgive. It puts them in bondage. They can't escape the pain and hurt that the debt caused. They will forever be crippled by what happened to them. Crippled by anger, mistrust, bitterness, and fear. They will not be able to fully love or accept love as long as they are holding on to that debt insisting it be paid. And the thing is that it can never be fully paid off by the offender. Whatever they do to make up for what they did will never be enough. Think back over a wrong someone did to you and then apologized for. Was it enough? Did sorry fix it? Or did you still have to make the decision to release that person from having to pay for what they did? I am willing to bet that sorry wasn't enough and that if it was truly dealt with you had to decide to forgive. Forgiveness isn't for the other person, it's for you! I'm convinced that is why Jesus is so stern in His words about forgiveness. He came to set us free, and unforgiveness will only put us back in bondage.
The thing about truly forgiving though, is that the only part we can do is make the decision to do it. The work of forgiveness is the Lord's. It is His grace and power that truly cancel the debt. What I mean is this: you won't ever be able to forgive and forget just like that. Forgiveness is a process. I believe it is one that is impossible in our humanness apart from Christ. It is a work of the Holy Spirit. It's a decision we may have to make over and over while He working it out in our heart.
This is true in big and little offenses in our every day lives. For big things it may take longer and like I said you may have to pray something like this every day until the sting of the offense is gone. That's how you know, by the way, that forgiveness has taken place in your heart. You won't actually forget, but It doesn't hurt anymore. The edge is gone. Pray, "Lord, I choose to forgive them, now please come and do the work and heal my heart." I have had situations where I had to pray a prayer like this THOUSANDS of times before I was totally healed of the hurt, pain, anger, and mistrust the offense had caused. But healed I was! I have heard people say so many times of a woman hurt by an unfaithful husband that she will never be the same. In God's hands that may be true, but not in the way they mean it. When you give it over to God through letting go of it yourself (the process of forgiving) God will use it FOR YOUR GOOD like He promises in Romans 8:28. He does miracles in horrible situations. A woman hurt by adultery can absolutely be free from all pain and hurt. She can love and trust again! Nothing is impossible for God to use and change and make new. We serve an awesome, powerful, loving God! Trust Him with all your hurts! Nothing is too big for Him! And be aware that nothing is too little to cause bitterness over time. Be quick to forgive little offenses. Don't hold on to anything but God!
My Story
My story is not very interesting or exciting except for what the Lord has done. Your story probably has much more drama, comedy, and tragedy than mine. But it's all that I know. It's my experience. It colors everything I will ever know and ever be. So, I set the stage by sharing it with you.
I grew up in a small town in Oklahoma. I had a quiet childhood. Boring would be a better word to describe it really. I was raised by parents who loved me, my brother, and two sisters but had trouble loving each other. After my dad, who had been raised Catholic and went on to test the waters of new age thought became a Christian, we began going to a Bible believing church. From my earliest memories I was aware of God's presence. I knew He was real and I believed what the Bible said about Him, even when I didn't live like it. Seeds of Truth were planted in my heart during that time. I loved learning about Jesus and hearing the stories in the Bible.
At eight years old I decided that I wanted Jesus in my heart so I walked down the aisle to give my life to the Lord and was baptized with my dad. Although I know I meant it as much as was possible for an eight year old, I strayed far from the Truth in my teenage years. Just before my parents' marriage fell apart, I began caving to peer pressure and doing things I knew were wrong to be accepted. I've always been a people-pleaser and I can honestly say I wanted to be loved and accepted so badly that I turned from what I knew to be right and went wrong. I went down this road from the young age of 13 until I was 17. During those years I was thoroughly saturated in what the world had to offer. In all the "fun" I was having, I could not shake the emptiness that would creep into my soul anytime the music was silenced and my friends went home.
The summer before my senior year in high school my mom and step-dad moved to a bigger town and took me with them. At my new school I made new friends that were a new kind of fun. They loved the Lord and they loved me. They never passed judgement on me even when I tried to get them to. They truly accepted me as I was. They showed me the unconditional love of Christ in a way I had never experienced before.
Through their love God began to knock on my heart's door again. I could feel Him whispering my name, calling me to return to Him. I started going to church with my dad and each Sunday His voice became louder and louder and my need for Him became more and more achingly obvious. He opened my eyes to the sin and brokenness in my life. I was hurting. I was hurting because of all that I had done. I was hurting because of my parent's divorce and the breakup of my family. I needed someone to lift my out of the pit that I had gotten stuck in. I needed someone to make me clean again. I needed to be freed from the lies I had believed about myself and what I had to do to be loved. It all climaxed one Sunday when the ache in my heart grew so strong that I couldn't fight it any longer. I surrendered my life to Jesus that day. He lifted me out of that pit, cleansed me in His precious blood, broke me out of the prison of lies I had lived in, and filled me up with His love and His presence in my heart. I have never been the same.
It is amazing to me that the Creator of the universe would care about me, about any of us. But He does. So much so, that He left His Kingdom behind, put on the flesh of His creation, and came to earth as a servant and a sacrifice for us. He rescued us. He did what we could never do. And all because He wants to have a relationship with us. He wants to walk together as He walked with Adam in the Garden of Eden. He wants to heal our hurts and ease our pain. We could never comprehend His greatness or the cost of our salvation. But I stand before you now, and tell you with all my heart that it is true. Everything His Word says that He does in the life of a person who believes is true. I am living proof of that.
I have now been walking with the Lord for 12 years. My life hasn't been perfect, far from it actually. It hasn't been easy. Storms still come from time to time. But when you walk with the Lord, there are rainbows in the storm. Not only AFTER the storm, but IN the storm. Only God can take the painful experiences of our lives and use them like sand in a oyster's shell to make something of beauty and worth far beyond anything we could hope or imagine....a pearl! He's given me a few!
I am just a normal, American woman trying to handle all the demands of life. I have been married for 10 years. I have 2 kids. I have juggled marriage, babies, college, work, and running a home like most women do these days. I try to stay sexy to my husband, loving to my children, obedient to my God, and true to myself. Some days it feels like I'm one of those people balancing spinning plates on thin sticks trying not to let the plates stop or the sticks drop!
Although my life is full, I can't escape the feeling that there has to be more than this. I know there is. The Bible says that God has a plan for each of us, good that He has for each of us to do. I want to do that good. I want to live according to God's plan for my life. I once read that the greatest place of satisfaction in our lives will be found where our passion meets the needs of the world. I believe that. God has specifically designed each of us uniquely with exactly the personality, mind, emotions, and experiences that will equip us to fulfill the plans He has for us.
I have a passion for the Bible. In fact, I'm going back to school this fall to study it formally. I also have a passion to help others apply God's Truth, found in the Bible, to their lives. There is no other source of answers for our problems and hope for our futures then God's Word. I believe that with all my heart. I hope to join Him in the healing of people's lives by becoming a counselor. I want to comfort others with the same comfort I have been given. I guess in a way this blog is the informal start to that. I hope that by sharing my experiences, you will gain understanding of His Word, His plan for your life, find comfort and hope, and be encouraged!
I grew up in a small town in Oklahoma. I had a quiet childhood. Boring would be a better word to describe it really. I was raised by parents who loved me, my brother, and two sisters but had trouble loving each other. After my dad, who had been raised Catholic and went on to test the waters of new age thought became a Christian, we began going to a Bible believing church. From my earliest memories I was aware of God's presence. I knew He was real and I believed what the Bible said about Him, even when I didn't live like it. Seeds of Truth were planted in my heart during that time. I loved learning about Jesus and hearing the stories in the Bible.
At eight years old I decided that I wanted Jesus in my heart so I walked down the aisle to give my life to the Lord and was baptized with my dad. Although I know I meant it as much as was possible for an eight year old, I strayed far from the Truth in my teenage years. Just before my parents' marriage fell apart, I began caving to peer pressure and doing things I knew were wrong to be accepted. I've always been a people-pleaser and I can honestly say I wanted to be loved and accepted so badly that I turned from what I knew to be right and went wrong. I went down this road from the young age of 13 until I was 17. During those years I was thoroughly saturated in what the world had to offer. In all the "fun" I was having, I could not shake the emptiness that would creep into my soul anytime the music was silenced and my friends went home.
The summer before my senior year in high school my mom and step-dad moved to a bigger town and took me with them. At my new school I made new friends that were a new kind of fun. They loved the Lord and they loved me. They never passed judgement on me even when I tried to get them to. They truly accepted me as I was. They showed me the unconditional love of Christ in a way I had never experienced before.
Through their love God began to knock on my heart's door again. I could feel Him whispering my name, calling me to return to Him. I started going to church with my dad and each Sunday His voice became louder and louder and my need for Him became more and more achingly obvious. He opened my eyes to the sin and brokenness in my life. I was hurting. I was hurting because of all that I had done. I was hurting because of my parent's divorce and the breakup of my family. I needed someone to lift my out of the pit that I had gotten stuck in. I needed someone to make me clean again. I needed to be freed from the lies I had believed about myself and what I had to do to be loved. It all climaxed one Sunday when the ache in my heart grew so strong that I couldn't fight it any longer. I surrendered my life to Jesus that day. He lifted me out of that pit, cleansed me in His precious blood, broke me out of the prison of lies I had lived in, and filled me up with His love and His presence in my heart. I have never been the same.
It is amazing to me that the Creator of the universe would care about me, about any of us. But He does. So much so, that He left His Kingdom behind, put on the flesh of His creation, and came to earth as a servant and a sacrifice for us. He rescued us. He did what we could never do. And all because He wants to have a relationship with us. He wants to walk together as He walked with Adam in the Garden of Eden. He wants to heal our hurts and ease our pain. We could never comprehend His greatness or the cost of our salvation. But I stand before you now, and tell you with all my heart that it is true. Everything His Word says that He does in the life of a person who believes is true. I am living proof of that.
I have now been walking with the Lord for 12 years. My life hasn't been perfect, far from it actually. It hasn't been easy. Storms still come from time to time. But when you walk with the Lord, there are rainbows in the storm. Not only AFTER the storm, but IN the storm. Only God can take the painful experiences of our lives and use them like sand in a oyster's shell to make something of beauty and worth far beyond anything we could hope or imagine....a pearl! He's given me a few!
I am just a normal, American woman trying to handle all the demands of life. I have been married for 10 years. I have 2 kids. I have juggled marriage, babies, college, work, and running a home like most women do these days. I try to stay sexy to my husband, loving to my children, obedient to my God, and true to myself. Some days it feels like I'm one of those people balancing spinning plates on thin sticks trying not to let the plates stop or the sticks drop!
Although my life is full, I can't escape the feeling that there has to be more than this. I know there is. The Bible says that God has a plan for each of us, good that He has for each of us to do. I want to do that good. I want to live according to God's plan for my life. I once read that the greatest place of satisfaction in our lives will be found where our passion meets the needs of the world. I believe that. God has specifically designed each of us uniquely with exactly the personality, mind, emotions, and experiences that will equip us to fulfill the plans He has for us.
I have a passion for the Bible. In fact, I'm going back to school this fall to study it formally. I also have a passion to help others apply God's Truth, found in the Bible, to their lives. There is no other source of answers for our problems and hope for our futures then God's Word. I believe that with all my heart. I hope to join Him in the healing of people's lives by becoming a counselor. I want to comfort others with the same comfort I have been given. I guess in a way this blog is the informal start to that. I hope that by sharing my experiences, you will gain understanding of His Word, His plan for your life, find comfort and hope, and be encouraged!
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