Back to school!

I am about to embark on three more years of school! Yes, I meant to put the ! there because it is a dream come true for me! I have had the hardest time figuring out what I wanted to be when I grow up. I think it was so hard to decide because for me it was about much more than just a career decision. It was about figuring out what God has created me to do with my life. I see work as much more than something you do to earn a paycheck, I've never been able to connect the two in my mind in a way that made doing some meaningless, monotonous task worth it. Where you work is where you spend most of your time, and where you spend most of your time is where you spend your life. I want my life to be spent doing something that does more than just pay my bills. I really believe that work is from God. It pleases God. I believe He made us all specially equipped to do certain jobs and if we can figure out how He's wired us we will make the biggest impact and have the greatest joy in what we do. In Ecclesiastes Solomon says that it is a blessing to enjoy your toil under the sun. I think that is so true! And it can be a curse if you don't! So, anyway, I have been going to college off and on (mostly on) for the last oh....13 years trying to figure out what I am supposed to do! I started in psychology, changed to sonography, then stuck with studying American Sign Language and became an interpreter. Well, I HATED it! Totally goes against all that God's made me to do! To be a good interpreter, you must not share any of yourself - your thoughts, feelings, convictions, etc. That is called "leaking". You must be faithful to only say or sign what your clients say or sign. You must fade into the background and become a necessary tool in communication and nothing more. Now, I have great respect for interpreters. It is an extremely hard thing to do well and the profession is severely misunderstood and under-appreciated. The thing is though, while I did a good job interpreting, I could not fade into the background! I can't keep my big mouth shut! I love people. I am a people person through and through! I love to help people work through their problems. I love to encourage and listen and pray with people. So, imagine how hard it was for me to sit in a group of people everyday and listen to their struggles and not say anything! It was like my hands were tied! What I really felt lead to do, my profession prevented me from doing. It was really hard. But through that experience God really spoke to my heart and showed me how He had wired me! And I believe He has called me to become a Christian counselor! So, I will begin the journey to complete my bachelor's degree and go on to earn a master's in counseling so I can do just that! I am so blown away, because He has opened that doors for me to go back to school! My husband, Matt, has been a pilot in the Army for 7 years and they have now opened up the GI bill for spouses to use! My school will be paid for in full! The Lord has given us a place to live and Matt a good job so that I can afford to stop working to dedicate all my time to school. And not only has He worked out the big things, but He has truly given me the desire of my heart in what I am going to study and where. I am going to Liberty University, which is a Christian college whose main purpose is to raise up "champions for Christ". I will be able to finish my bachelor's studying the Bible! That has been a dream of mine for years, but I never thought that that would be possible! But here I am enrolled in 14 Bible classes ranging from the books of the Bible to apologetics to Biblical archeology! And it all fits the picture that the Lord has given me for exactly what He wants me to do. I believe with all my heart that psychology on it's own is empty and unable to truly heal the human heart and mind. We need the Lord! We need His healing! Only in Him can change truly take place in our lives. I have experienced it myself! Only with Him is there hope. So, the foundation of my practice will be Him. His Word, His Truth. His Power. I want to join Him in what He is doing here on this earth. He sets people free! Free from their hurt, their sin, their past, nothing is impossible for Him! He is absolutely awesome and I feel so blessed that He has given me a vision of what part in His story I am to play. I only have to wait another couple of weeks to get started. The closer it gets the harder it is to wait! I am so excited and so ready to start this journey! I pray that the Holy Spirit will open my mind and my eyes and truly give me understanding. I don't want to just check a box, I want to learn and remember so I can teach others! Lord, help me to do a good job and to do it all for your glory! I am so thankful!

The love of a friend

There is this woman in my life. She is the most amazing woman. She has shown me true beauty, true wisdom, and true love like no one else in my life ever could. She takes care of those that are broken, in fact she can't stay away from broken souls. It's like she is magnetically drawn to them. Her love is free, her love is strong, and her love DOES NOT GIVE UP. She is the most stubborn woman I know. And that is the truth. I have watched her love people who continually fight against her love, refuse to accept it, blatantly throw it back in her face, hurt her on purpose, and drag her down with them. Yet she continues. At times I have not understood it and advised her against it. I'm glad she's the most stubborn person I know and hasn't listened to me though, because it's a beautiful thing when the object of her affection stops fighting. The tears come and she's right there to cry with them, pray with them, walk the road to healing with them, and finally enjoy the fruit of love with them. Her love is a powerful thing. It's the love of a true friend.

Truth

The earth, it groans in labor pains.
We helplessly watch as our nation's strength wanes.
Where do we turn? Who can we trust?
Of all our leaders, are any still just?

What's the truth?

The truth is the powers that be
well, they are all under God's authority.
Any position that they have has been given to them,
and not for one second are they fooling Him!

That's the truth!

God was, He is, and He will always be
the author and finisher of prophecy.
Eventually His perfect plan will be played out,
so trust in Him and have no doubt...

that He is the Truth!
He is the Truth!

Lies

It started in the Garden
when Satan told Eve
to follow her heart
and do as she pleased

He said...

Take of the fruit
did He even really say
do not eat it?
No. It will all be ok

But Satan lied
and oh how she cried
Satan lied
and oh how she cried

Cause there is nothing greater than God
no one greater than God
no, none greater than God!

It's the same today
not much has changed
Satan still tries
to lure us away

He says...

You need that body, that house, that car, that job
that'll make you happy
no, you don't need God

The grass is greener
on the other side
follow your heart
it will lead you right

But Satan lies
and oh how we cry
Satan lies
and oh how we cry

Cause there is nothing greater than God
no one greater than God
no, none greater than God!

So what is the Truth and how can we break
free of these chains
and have our lives changed?

Go to God!
He has made a way
His name is Jesus
He paid the price, believe in Him and be saved!
He'll break those chains
He'll make you clean again
He'll fill you up
and then He will be your friend!

He'll break those lies
and He'll wipe the tears from our eyes
He breaks those lies
and He wipes the tears from our eyes

There is nothing greater than God
no one greater than God
no, none greater than God!!

Miracles

Situations that seem too far gone
people who have done too much wrong
life when there is no hope left it seems
places that are too dark for dreams

I've seen miracles
He is alive

Situations are never too far gone
no one has ever done too much wrong
the darker the darkness the brighter His light
only Jesus can make all things right

I've seen miracles
He is alive

Value

I want to be like Mary
dousing your feet with anything I have of any value

I want to be like the woman who brought
all that she had and offered it to you
because she knew her value was in you

I want to be like David
dancing in the street to offer praise to you
because he knew his value came from you

I want to be like Moses
he gave up all his treasures, he had to be with you
because he knew they held no true value

I want to be like Paul
and count it all as loss, except for knowing you
because he knew that you are the only thing of value

I don't want to hold on to anything that is of this world
Lord, help me to let go and grab ahold of you
because I know that you are the only thing of value
and I know that anything of value is in you

The Two Trees

I have always had the tendency to be a people-pleaser. I learned a long time ago the way to make people happy is to do what they want you to do. Obey the rules and your mom and dad are happy. Follow the directions on school work and your teacher is happy. Follow the guidelines at work and your boss is happy. I usually had success in all these areas because I was able to take rules, directions, and guidelines and carry them out. Give me a list of things to do and I could do it. Tell me what not to do and I'd try not to do it. I have always had a good amount of willpower and am a pretty disciplined person. In fact, I tend to thrive on little disciplines. I love the fact that if you do something small over and over it amounts to a huge payoff after a while. The point is I'm really good at DOING. In my life I have been successful at being (or at least appearing) "good" and it has paid off. The problem is that I had carried that over to my relationship to God, and it doesn't work that way with Him.

About six months ago it all fell apart. While I have always been successful at controlling myself and being good (or so I thought) all of a sudden (for a period of about a year) it was as if I could not control myself! I was compelled to sin! All I could think about was the sin that I wanted so badly to do, then would become overwhelmed with guilt that I wanted to do it. It was a horrible cycle. I think that God in His love for me let me fail on every front. The illusion that I had it all together and was such a "good" Christian was shattered and I was crushed! Where I had pride in my heart, it was now gone. I saw myself for what I was....a failure. Now, no one would have known all this was going on because it was mostly a struggle in my heart and mind, but had God not rescued me from what I was doing, I know it would have "surely led to death."

Let me explain. After hitting the bottom and my knees in desperation and crying out God to save me, He led me to a wonderful Bible study called, "The Gracewalk Experience" by Steve McVey. In it I learned a critical lesson. It's based back in Genesis.

In Genesis chapter 2 verse 9 the Bible says that God placed two trees in the Garden of Eden - the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. There is a lot of truth wrapped up in those two trees. The tree of life represents Jesus. Jesus is the way, the LIFE, and the truth. He is the LIVING water. He is the Word and it was the Word that breathed LIFE into all of creation. The tree of the knowledge of good and evil represents the law, our knowledge of right and wrong, rules and our efforts to follow the rules, basically our fleshly attempt to achieve righteousness in our own strength independent of God. Adam and Eve had a choice. They could eat freely from any tree in the garden as well as from the tree of life. However, if they ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil God said they would surely die.

We all know the choice they made. They ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and they did die. And mankind has been dying ever since. Romans 5:12 says that sin entered the world through Adam and death through sin. There is physical death, which none of us can escape since sin entered the world and death through it. Then there is spiritual death, which is even worse. The good news is that while we can't escape physical death, we can be saved from spiritual death through believing in Jesus - or eating of the tree of life! We still have a choice of which tree to eat from in our lives today. Eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (or the law) still leads to spiritual death. And eating of the tree of life (trusting in Jesus) will give us life.

We are all tempted to sin. The reason we know what sin is is because we have the law. So, the law in itself is not a bad thing. The problem is when we try in our own strength to keep the law. Even though it is impossible to keep from sinning, and the Bible says that ALL have sinned and that there is not one that is good, we become proud of our perceived "goodness" when we are able to act right. It is much easier to have a set of things to DO to be right with God then to just trust in Jesus to make you right before Him. Because of our pride, we like to do to earn. We don't like to admit that we are helpless and hopeless on our own. Before we can trust in Jesus' power to free us from sin and help us not to fall to temptation, our pride has to die. We have to admit that we can't keep from sinning in our own strength and we need Jesus to help us!

We are so focused on the rules! It's all about what we do and don't do as Christians. We have formulas to stay on track with God. Read your Bible for 15 minutes every day. Pray. Spend quiet time with the Lord. Go to church. Tithe your income. All of these are good things to do, don't get me wrong! But do they make you right with God? No! The Bible says that if you believe in Jesus as your Lord and Savior you are right with God!! He even says you are righteous and holy! It's a done deal! The old is gone, the new has come! You can stop striving. God knew every sin you'd ever commit from the time you were born until you die. He knew what you did before you were saved and He knew everything you would do after being saved. And He still saved you. Why is it that we realize that there was nothing we did to get saved. It was a work of the Holy Spirit. Yet we think that living in a way that is glorifying to God is all up to us? We focus on keeping the rules. We're proud of ourselves and feel right with God when we succeed and beat ourselves up and despair when we fail. It is a needless struggle. It does not lead to life and freedom. It will "surely lead to death." Maybe that's why people walk away from the Lord, churches fizzle out, ministries cease. There are different type of death.

As Christians, we have to let go of the rules and trust the Holy Spirit living within us to guide us. That is eating from the tree of life. Turning away from the rules tree and turning fully to the grace of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! It's scary to let go of the rules. I felt like if I let myself be free in Christ and stopped trying to follow the rules, I would do something horrible or lose my salvation. The truth is that the Holy Spirit will show us how to live. He will guide and direct our actions. We can trust Him to keep us from evil. If we are truly surrendered to Him we will do good works. Our lives will make a difference in the world. God will finally be able to use us for His plan, His purpose, and His glory! We will stop getting in His way!

For so long I was not even aware that I was trying to DO and EARN God's favor by following the rules. They were His rules after all. I was trying so hard to obey. I was striving to be "good" and not sin. I was so focused on His law that I was no longer focused on Him at all and it was leading to death. I had lost the joy of my salvation. I had burdened myself with that which Christ died to relieve me of. I thank God for opening my eyes again. I thank Him for the joy and freedom found only in Him! I pray that today you would stop striving and just be in His presence. I pray that you would eat of His fruit and enjoy the freedom of being His child. Taste and see that the Lord is good! Eat freely from the tree of life and LIVE!